Going In As the New Out

Going deep is a part of my work with sensitive parents. The times we are living in demand we look deeply and free ourselves from what we keep hidden. To be willing to be vulnerable to share the ugly, the pain, the injustice, the passion, the protest and to receive more of the tendrils of connection, love, and unity. To truly embrace seeing ourselves through and with another yet standing in the truth of who we all are as beings of this universe.

I’ve purposely put myself into difficult and awkward conversations with people to grow. It’s what I love about my work with sensitive parents in that place of engagement that goes below the surface. The raw, real, and vulnerable places that we are bound to run into as parents.

Recent conversations have led me to uncover more shame, insecurity, fear and also a deeper understanding. Though extroverted and open in hearing others, I tend to be much more private about sharing my own internal experience and stories. However, it’s in this unfolding where the magic happens. In engaging more with people aligned in sharing from the heart, it frees us to become the change makers we are.

What if WE reclaim that and make our sensitive natures A GIFT. The more mamas do this and discover what those “inner tools” are for themselves, the more they feel free and are more present to actually BE with their kids.

Yes, there will still be things to do for the family when you may just want to follow your own rhythm for a whole day, eat out of the fridge for dinner to reduce dishes or just eat popcorn for dinner. However, even when those moments aren’t happening exactly as you wish, you Feel settled, calm and content. You can even have fun with those wishes and share in them with your kids.

Take some moments now to get curious about what you need. Most moms I talk to begin with the unsettledness of how summer is going to go amidst a pandemic, how to navigate this unknown we are in. Plus this weekend we get lots of shifting with Solstice, a New Moon and an Eclipse. I get it!

We are in uncharted territory. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring much less school for the fall or if the numbers will rise with more businesses opening. However, we can take the moments to ask ourselves what we truly need:

• Support

• Hugs

• Reassurance

• To be told they you are awesome just the way you are

• To be seen for a good job no matter what the day brings

• To feel Appreciated

Our kids want these things too.The more we give them to ourselves, the more we can truly give to them and they FEEL it!

I know how hard it can be to even think about fitting anything else into your day especially when they feel “floaty” and without timed edges or like they go from one thing to another.  No one will create the time for you but you.

I created a short audio for you.  A way for you to grab a few moments to yourself and take a breath.  I was sitting outside, feet on the Earth, surrounded by butterflies on a bush beside me.  Hope you enjoy it and that it brings a few moments of ease to your ever-changing day.  Here is the link: 

If you missed my chat with Allaya Cooks-Campbell, the voice behind babydroppings.com, you can listen to it here.  We planned to talk about her “mommydom” and experiences raising four kids.  However, with the recent tragic events weighing heavily on both of us, we chose to openly discuss, as women and mothers in different skins, racism, our past experiences, showing up and more.

If you want support and help with accountability and creating these changes, I’m here.  https://vigdorhess.com/free-holistic-parent-discovery-session/

For another short read for end of school into summer, check out this previous post. https://vigdorhess.com/the-joy-and-the-dread-of-summer-with-struggling-kids/

Parenting while loving yourself first.

If you have ever flown, you are likely familiar with the “put the mask on yourself first before helping another.” When it comes to our kids, as parents, how many times are you doing for them BEFORE yourself?!

For the parents I work with, establishing an understanding of self-care is essential. It’s so easy to lose oneself in the needs of others.

Especially with a sensitive child and sensitive parents.

Stepping into a new year and a new decade, we are being asked to step into stronger spaces within ourselves. This is NOT selfish. This is so that we can give from our fully resourced selves.

Culturally, when parenting, there has been shame and guilt associated with choosing oneself first. Or even choosing your partner, and making boundaries around date time, without guilt.

Have you ever looked at your list of “to do’s” and realized the vast majority of items were for others? Me too!

Though common, now is the time to change this so you are invigorated, inspired and energized again! It requires commitment, yes…and…YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I call this Putting Myself on the List.  For sensitive and empathic people, there can be an overwhelm where everything feels like a priority.

It can feel like everything on the “agenda” is important to help define your purpose, “the shoulds,” feel needed, to meet the needs of others so that your system can settle.

This is a pattern that is often learned early on. There is nothing wrong with doing this.

When working with parents, we discuss how common this is and tease out what is truly nourishing and what is out of habit and depleting.

We all want to be present, calm, resourced, loving and kind parents. Practicing regular self-care is a game changer as a parent struggling with their unique child.

Counter-intuitive perhaps, yet the parents I’ve helped haven’t missed “the good old days” of giving too much, giving for unmet needs within themselves, enabling, lack of boundaries and more that comes with choosing others over oneself.

I’ve talked to a lot of parents lately who feel more overwhelmed than usual and unable to do what they have done in the past. Their frustration and despair contributes to feeling trapped and more at a loss.

They know inside, Something. Has. To. Change. They may not exactly know how.

If this sounds like you…I get it. I have been there and have helped others who get it too! You are not alone.

I’d love to help elevate your self-care routine and WHILE you parent your sensitive, sometimes struggling child. I promise it’s not one or the other. Small, sustainable changes can have a profound impact on how you show up for yourself and your family.

Contact me for a free session to learn more about how you, too, can make being in your day-to-day life more enjoyable with YOU in it in a different way.

I’m also booking talks for 2020 and would love to come to you!  Gather a group of fellow parents, ask about my coming to your child’s school, or your business with other parents who work with you!

I have two signature talks that might be a great fit:

“Parenting Struggling (but Gifted!) Children: 4 Ways to Bring Peace in the Home When You Have Tried Everything.” It’s for Holistic Minded, Engaged Parents, like you!

“Reducing Your Child’s Screen Use in the Digital Age: How to Create Connection and Avoid Screen Addiction.” A Workshop/Playshop for Parents and their Children.

Leading Your Family When You Don’t Know What To Do.

How can we parent while grappling with current events? How do we show up stretched with homeschooling, moving into summer, a pandemic, protests, and outrage?

Using the expression, how we do one thing is how we do everything, we take action by taking a first step. Any hiding must end. No more silence.

Even if you don’t know what to say or how to act, try something different. We teach our kids through our actions, with our energy, our words, our commitment.

Doing nothing is not an option. Inaction contributes to the problem. We have taken our kids to participate in an “I Am Not Racist” movie and discussion “event” and have open conversations and this is not enough and is still hiding. I want to do better and show up more fully.

We may not see the change we want in our lifetime, but for our children and our children’s children, we must create the space to embrace discomfort.

Sensitive kids (and parents, and other people) are feeling a wide spectrum of emotions. These times are providing opportunities to notice what we do with those “more difficult discomforts” and make changes.

Just as there is no perfect way to parent, navigating these times is a big lesson in allowing the messy to manifest something different that is long overdue. Racism is not new, but let’s stand together and face this in a new way.

When I first connected with Allaya Cooks-Campbell, the voice behind babydroppings.com, we planned to talk about her “mommydom” and experiences raising four kids.  However, with the recent tragic events weighing heavily on both of us, we chose to openly discuss, as women and mothers in different skins, racism, our past experiences, showing up, and more.

To listen to our conversation, click here

Awakening Mama Empaths

I’m just going to say it: This time is a Call to Action. 

A Wake Up Call. No one is immune to that!

How we all “do the wake up,” is different.

If you are a highly sensitive parent who likely also has sensitive kids, I am excited for you!

Of course you feel the stirs and swirls of “doing it all,” the usual stuff PLUS homeschooling, plus being home 24/7 with kids and spouses, plus a different relationship with “me time,” the house cleaning factor of “all the time mess,” need I go on…..

Here is what I know for sure: The distractions will never go away….unless YOU TAME THEM, YOU UNCHOOSE THEM. Before it was carpooling and “busy;” Now I’m hearing from you that it is homeschooling, managing tech time, no time to yourself, husband driving you crazy and more.

A better question to ask yourself might be: How can you parent well NO MATTER YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

That, dear mama, is what brings me to the excitement part!!

THIS IS THE TIME TO CHANGE THAT!

As sensitive women and parents, how can you learn to love more deeply about what really calls to you?

How can you use your gifts of sensitivity as the Empowered and Engaged Mamas you are rather than to putting out the constant fires, holding up all of the balls, being the “go to” for finding the lost shoe, the recipe to make, the list of “to dos” that were delegated by you?

Join me for my new Virtual Zoom Talk: Mamas2BE4Kids: Embracing Your Engaged, Embodied, Empowered Empath Self during extreme times of change. To register for this Zoom call, contact me here.

If you want to talk 1:1 to learn more about applying this to your unique home life, click here to get started.

For quick ideas to listen to (when you do have those moments),  join me on FB for regular posts  with positive insights for your parenting and sensitive journey.

Rising up with you Mama!

Love, New Moon and Earth Day Blessings,

Wendy